Affirming Is The New Black : An Interview with Tia-Marie Taylor
Image via Tia-Marie Taylor Instagram
The words “Affirm”, “Self-care”, and “Manifest” have become the latest social media buzzwords. They may even sound as cliche as “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken”, “Mind over matter” or “When life gives you lemons make lemonade”, however, these positive mantras are exceptionally important in this day and age. 24-year-old Tia-Marie Taylor, highlights this in her new children's book Learn To Affirm.
TW// Suicide and self harm
The Black British author created Learn To Affirm earlier this year, as an activity book for young Black girls designed to build confidence and self-love. According to Netflix’s Social Dilemma, child suicide rates have soared by up to 150% in a decade, self-harming by girls aged 10 to 14 has almost tripled and cyberbullying is said to be partly behind the rise (Source: The Sun), causing a gigantic increase in depression and anxiety.
In England, 29% of Black British women are more likely to experience common mental disorder at a higher rate than White British women (Source: Gov.uk). There has been substantial evidence by psychologists who claim that childhood trauma affects mental health for many years and decades into the future.
How can you help? Through Cognitive behavioural therapy i.e affirming. Affirming positive messages are like acts of kindness and love towards yourself, which builds self-esteem and self-belief that can stay with you throughout your lifetime. This type of therapy challenges unhelpful cognitive distortions and behaviours.
Learn to Affirm can be the bridge that shapes the minds of the next generation by improving emotional regulation and self-development at the very early stages of life.
In this interview, myself and Tia-Marie Taylor discuss the thoughts and concept behind this brilliant book - let’s get into it below!
Jonifa: Why is affirming important to you?
Tia-Marie Taylor: For me, affirmations were a very important contributing factor in a complete shift of mindset. Practising affirmations helped me to unlearn negative thought patterns and harmful behaviours and refocus on the good, repairing my self-esteem.
It probably began as simple mindfulness; becoming aware of the things I would think about myself and my experience, and making the conscious effort to challenge those negative thoughts as often as I could. This was a technique that was highlighted in therapy for me too, which just goes to show that affirmations are not limited to writing statements down or saying them in front of a mirror; it’s the way you treat and talk to yourself every day and in everything that you do, and that’s why it’s important to me. There’s nothing more important than how we treat ourselves.
Image via Tia-Marie Taylor Instagram
Jonifa: How do you hope this book will help with the development of young girls?
Tia-Marie Taylor: I hope that Learn to Affirm provides young girls with the opportunity to create healthy thinking habits, which in turn will help them to grow into confident adults. I had a really difficult time with my mental health from a young age, and I believe that having strong core beliefs about myself would have better prepared me to handle the bullying and societal pressures that later came. I’m 24 years old now and still learning to affirm myself, if only I had started putting this into practise from the age of 4! I just want girls to recognise how important they truly are.
Jonifa: What were your favourite books growing up?
Tia-Marie Taylor: Growing up, I loved Jacqueline Wilson! I loved the variety of storylines in her books and how she explored friendships, family life, love, school experiences etc. I found her books somewhat relatable, but I do wish that I had better access to books by black authors/books that featured black characters, because representation is super important- I rarely saw girls that looked like me in my story books.
Jonifa: What would you tell your younger self about dealing with bullying and low self-esteem?
Tia-Marie Taylor: If I could have a conversation with my younger self, I would stress the importance of self-care and self-assurance. I would say “as difficult as it may feel, you must learn how to detach your feelings from the opinions of other people, because nobody gets to decide how you feel about yourself- only you do! Be gentle to yourself. You have a heart of gold and you pour love into others, please take that same level of care and pour that into yourself. You deserve to feel whole. You deserve to be loved. You deserve to feel happy.”
Jonifa: What was your biggest challenge during the process of creating this book?
Tia-Marie Taylor: Sacrifice. I’ve never felt so much uncertainty during a period of time. To turn this project around, I had to put everything else on hold, including my commission work which literally pays my bills. I wasn’t being paid so I was constantly worried about being able to pay my for life expenses, but I felt I had finally found my purpose and it had never been so clear. From the very first conversation I had about my ideas for this book, I was so sure of it. So I just went for it, guided by my purpose, trusting the journey and was supported in every way by my loved ones.
Jonifa: How have you kept yourself motivated during these unprecedented times?
Tia-Marie Taylor: This year really has been crazy! The beginning of lockdown was especially difficult and overwhelming for me; it was so draining to wake up everyday to more heartbreaking news. I tried to keep my spirits high with painting and attempting home-made meals that we couldn’t go out to grab or order in (and of course regular zoom quizzes with my friends lol). I really enjoyed being able to immerse myself into my art during this time. The idea for my book came at the start of May and I was very excited about it, so motivation to work towards this goal came quite naturally, and I’m now super excited to expand!
Finally...what does being a Black British woman mean to you?
Tia-Marie Taylor: Being a Black British woman is the most important thing about my identity. I love being black and I’m extremely proud to be a part of such an influential, creative and vibrant community. Black British women, particularly, are killing it right now, with so many of us succeeding in businesses, being recognised by high-profile celebrities and making great money. To me, being a Black British woman means freedom to explore my creative talents and be whoever I want to be- there is no one way to be Black.
***Since our interview Tia-Marie has released a second book; Learn to Affirm for boys, which follows the same structure but has been completely tailored to teach young boys all about inspirational Black British Men.
For a chance to purchase ‘Learn to Affirm’ visit: https://www.tiamarieart.com/
Connect with Tia-Marie on Twitter & Instagram: @learntoaffirm @tiamarietaylor, @tiamarieart